


We Were Born Sick

by roane



Series: Requiem for a Monster [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Captivity, Choking, Dom/sub, F/M, Face Slapping, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Interrogation, Masturbation, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Obsessive Behavior, POV Kylo Ren, Self-Harm, Submissive Kylo Ren, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:51:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5844085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roane/pseuds/roane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren should have felt victorious. The shuttle lifted away from D'Qar as it burned to the ground. He'd done that. He'd infiltrated the enemy base and brought it down from the inside, destroyed everything his mother had worked so hard to build.</p><p>But he'd failed in the one thing he'd set out to do. He was sitting on this shuttle alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Creep

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Begins immediately following [Burn Your Wicked Garden Down](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5739541) but should be readable as a standalone. What you need to know: the Resistance base on D'Qar was destroyed in Kylo Ren's escape and failure to convince Rey to come with him.

Kylo Ren should have felt victorious. The shuttle lifted away from D'Qar as it burned to the ground. _He'd_ done that. He'd infiltrated the enemy base and brought it down from the inside, destroyed everything his mother had worked so hard to build.

But he'd failed in the one thing he'd set out to do.

 _So close_. If he closed his eyes he could still taste the darkness in her kisses, feel the anger and the pain behind them. He could still feel the dark sense of triumph emanating from her the first time he'd gone to his knees for her, knowing exactly what she wanted to do, needing her to do it.

That he enjoyed pain had come as no surprise to him. Over the years, the intense pain of his training in the Dark Side had transmuted into something pure—or perhaps the desire to hurt had come first, cemented when he turned away from the ways of the Jedi. Either way, the moment he'd first seen into her mind, he'd wanted her to hurt him.

And oh, she had. He would bear the scars from her knife for the rest of his life, look at them and remember how she screamed in her pleasure, screamed for _him_.

It had all gone exactly as he'd planned when he'd planted himself in that bar on Coruscant to wait for her.

Except for one thing. He was sitting on this shuttle alone.

Where had things gone wrong?

#

"Where's the girl?" Hux was waiting when the shuttle landed on the destroyer. "Did you kill her?"

Kylo felt over-exposed in the open like this, without his mask or robes, both of which were in his quarters where he'd left them. He swept past Hux. "She got away."

Instead of taking the hint, Hux followed him. "Of course she did. I told you this plan was foolish."

There were too many listening ears around to have this fight. He ignored Hux, who stuck to his side like an irritating burr, until they'd reached a quieter corridor. "It resulted in the destruction of the Resistance's main base. We should be so foolish more often."

"You know that Supreme Leader Snoke doesn't care about the base. He wants the girl."

"We'll have her. She'll be ours." _Mine_ , he thought as he stalked away, leaving Hux behind. _She'll be_ mine.

Finally, _finally_ , he reached the privacy of his quarters, the first real privacy he'd had in nearly three weeks. On D'Qar, privacy only existed in his own mind, and sometimes, with Rey around, not even there.

 _Rey_. Only now did he let himself think of her as Rey and not _the girl_. Only here, in the privacy of his own quarters and his own mind, could he admit the truth: _she'd nearly turned him to the Light_. He could hear her calling him Ben, shouting it in anger, murmuring it with… tenderness. With her body pressed to his, he'd wanted to remake himself in her image, to erase the past and start over.

No. That wasn't the plan. Moving with quick, jerky movements, he stripped out of the awful clothes the Resistance had given him to wear and washed off the stink of D'Qar and battle. After, back in his robes and mask, he felt like his true self again.

Soon he would have to go try and convince his master that he hadn't failed, but first, he approached his shrine, the most valuable thing he owned. He sat across the ruined, melted helmet and tried to meditate.

It was all wrong. His mind kept trying to follow old channels, the paths to peace and calm. Anger slipped through his fingers as he tried to cling to it. "Grandfather, help me."

#

Months went by. The Resistance went further underground as the Republic struggled to rebuild itself. The First Order strengthened its claim on systems in the Outer Rim.

And there was no sign of Rey. He had spies out in every corner of the galaxy, listening for some word, looking for some clue to her whereabouts. Nothing. He resorted to bounty hunters, giving them all strictest instructions to take her alive. Nothing. Finally, in a move that might have gotten him killed if it became known, he managed to plant a spy on the edges of the Resistance itself. No one knew where she was.

If not for their constant, low-level connection through the Force, he would have feared the worst, that she was gone from his reach forever. But the connection held true, even if he could learn nothing else from it.

His hunger and desperation grew by the day. In an attempt to recenter himself, he slipped away to Coruscant again, looking for, and finding, the seediest brothel in the seediest corner of the city where no one would recognize him and no one would ask questions. He found a slender girl with brown hair and hazel eyes and told her what he wanted from her.

She looked bored as she complied, and even tied to a post with her mercilessly whipping his bare back, he couldn't lose himself. When she stopped and came forward to touch him, he shoved her away with the Force and undid his bindings. She wasn't what he needed.

He left Coruscant more frustrated and angry than he'd been when he arrived. It gave him something to channel into his training, at least.

Finally he heard from his spy. The Resistance was planning an incursion on Circarpous IV in an attempt to bring the planet into the Republic. Circarpous IV was a valuable mining resource, but that wasn't all. If one knew where to look, there were kyber crystals to be had there.

Rey would be there. He was absolutely certain.

#

Convincing Hux to send troops to Circarpous IV was simple, especially once Snoke chimed in his agreement. While the stormtroopers engaged with the Resistance forces, Rey would go in search of a crystal, and that's when he would find her.

He broke away from the others as the battle started, stormtroopers going against unarmored Resistance fighters. It was sure to be a slaughter, but Kylo Ren wasn't concerned about that.

The best spot for finding kyber crystals was deep in the middle of a murky, fetid bog. He took two stormtroopers with him to go find it.

He moved between the trees like an animal on the hunt, outpacing the stormtroopers and reaching with his mind for any trace of her presence.

She was so quiet he almost missed her. But there she was.

In a few moments he had her in view. She stood in a small clearing, face tilted toward the sky in the early twilight. Even at this distance, he could feel the sense of peace that radiated around her. Her entire posture was different, more self-assured, more regal.

"Rey, if you'd just tell me what to look for, I could help you."

She wasn't alone. The traitor was with her.

When she turned around, he forgot how to breathe. Before she had been powerful and untrained, now she was a woman in full control and it made his knees go weak. _How_ , in such a short time?

She laughed. "Finn, if I knew exactly what I was looking for, I'd tell you."

 _Finn_. So they'd given the pet a name. She was so at ease with him, and he with her. Too at ease.

Jealousy boiled in Kylo Ren's gut as he watched them from the cover of the trees. When the stormtroopers caught up to him, he pointed at the traitor. "Take him, but alive. Leave the girl to me."

The first part of the plan was over in an instant. The stormtroopers rushed the traitor and grabbed him just as Kylo stepped from the trees and ignited his lightsaber.

She didn't even have the grace to look surprised. "Ben."

He should argue with her: that wasn't his name. He didn't. "Rey."

"What are you doing here?" Even as she spoke to him, her gaze kept tracking toward the traitor.

"Looking for you." He couldn't keep a slight petulance out of his tone, and he hated it, it sounded weak. "I've _been_ looking for you."

The traitor struggled between his captors. It took a single gesture to steal his voice and ensure his silence.

"Have you?" She walked toward him, unafraid. Her lightsaber stayed on her belt. "I'm flattered."

Once it had been easy to capture her. A wave of his hand and she'd fallen into his arms. He doubted it would be so easy now. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you don't." She was only a few meters away from him now.

He stepped over to the stormtroopers, close enough to angle his blade near the traitor's neck. "Him, on the other hand…"

Rey stopped approaching. Her fingers curled at her side, and she spoke gently, even reasonably. "You don't want to hurt him either."

And for a moment, he didn't. The urge to put away his weapon hit with an urgent immediacy before he managed to shake his thoughts clear.

She had—she had nearly—

His breath rasped in his throat. Anger and a sharp spike of lust reddened his vision, immobilized him as surely as if she had him pinned in place. They stood staring at each other while the stormtroopers stood sentinel, the struggling traitor between them.

Her eyes cut to the traitor. "Let him go," she said. "This is between the two of us, Ben. He has nothing to do with it."

"He is a traitor to the First Order and will be disciplined." _Stop calling me Ben_.

"I don't want to hurt you either." But she was lying, and they both knew it. Her hand hovered toward her lightsaber.

Kylo Ren inched his own lightsaber closer to the traitor's throat, close enough that sparks danced on his skin, making the traitor flinch. "He'll be dead before you can reach me."

"Let Finn go," she said, this time with no attempt to command, only to plead. "He's not the one you came here for." She took a step closer, her hands up. "Let him go, call off the attack, and I'll go with you."

The traitor shook his head at her wildly, mouthing the word 'no'. He'd be screaming it, no doubt, if he had his voice.

"I'll call off the attack, but the traitor stays."

Rey stood taller, her expression never wavering from the calm serenity he'd first seen. "I'm not negotiating with you, Ben. End the attack, release Finn, and you'll get what you want. Otherwise, well." She smiled. "We both know how easily I can defeat you."

He was torn. If he acquiesced, he would look weak in front of the stormtroopers, and he knew how quickly word would spread. There was only one solution.

Kylo Ren stepped back. "Release him," he commanded. He dropped the hold he had over the traitor's voice.

"Rey, no! You don't have to do this, fight him!" Predictably, the traitor went for his weapon.

"Finn, stop." Rey raised her hand and knocked away the traitor's blaster before he could fire. "Tell Luke. He'll understand."

"But—"

" _Run_ , Finn. Go."

The traitor ran like the coward he was.

He reached out and took Rey's arm. "Come on."

She refused to move. "Call off the attack."

He spoke into his comlink. "General Hux. Our objective is achieved. Return to the ship." One thing left to do.

His lightsaber flashed once, twice, and the stormtroopers fell to the mud. He pulled her away as she looked back at the corpses.

"That wasn't necessary, Ben." She sounded disappointed in him.

"Yes, it was. Come on, you have to fly the shuttle back for us."

"Because you killed the pilot."

He tugged her closer, looking down at her. "It had to be done. They would have talked, and if word got out that I let the traitor go…"

She shook her head, and he found that her disappointment chafed at him. "Take off your helmet," she said.

He let her go, half-expecting her to try and flee, uncertain what he would do if she did. He unfastened his helmet and pulled it off with a hiss.

"There you are." Her tone was gentle. "I can't talk to that damned mask."

"I—"

She cut him off with a sudden slap across his face, the sound shocking and sharp. His head rocked back as much from the surprise as the pain, but the sting burned through him like a wildfire. "No more killing. You're done."

It took him a moment to find his voice, and he wasn't surprised to find it husky with desire. "Yes, Rey." He didn't know if he could keep that promise, but in that moment, he could promise to try.

She took his arm. "And you don't wear the mask around me anymore."

He led her to the shuttle, suddenly unsure who was captive to whom.

#

He had never seen her fly before.

It was a thing of beauty, to watch her guide the shuttle away from the muddy planet with sure, steady hands, all of her attention focused on the controls in front of her. He could have watched for hours.

Too soon, they reached the star destroyer and docked in the landing bay. He produced a pair of binders. Rey looked at them and rolled her eyes, but held her arms out.

"And my helmet," he said. "If I don't wear it, people will notice."

"All right. But when we're alone, it comes off."

"Yes, Rey." It was frighteningly easy to say yes to her. After so many months away from her, he was anxious to get her alone, to see what else she could make him say yes to.

Safely hidden behind his mask, he took her by the arm and led her to the prison block. She was assigned a cell and he escorted her there. All of the cells looked the same inside, a small, rigid shelf for sitting and sleeping (and not comfortable for either), an exposed toilet and sink, and black, featureless walls.

Normal prisoner protocol said he should leave her there and go, but she was no normal prisoner.

He closed the cell door behind him and she held up her wrists to him. He took off her binders and, remembering what she'd told him, took off his helmet as well.

She stood there, just looking at him. How had she changed so much? Now, in this closed space, he could feel the increased power in her, and it made his heart race.

"Get on your knees, Ben."

He hit the floor before she could finish speaking, the movement sending a painful jolt from his knees and up his body. Every time she called him Ben, it knocked something loose inside him and he should tell her to stop, but here and now, he had no power to tell her anything.

Rey reached out and touched his hair. She radiated goodness, her eyes soft and glowing with it. Where was the anger, the hatred with which she'd punished him before? What would she—

His thoughts were cut off by her small hand fisting viciously in his hair, tugging his head back. It tore a gasp from him and he stared up at her. The lights overhead haloed in her hair, his goddess.

"Let me in," she murmured, and he felt a tendril stroking against the surface of his mind.

Not this, he should fight this, he should say no, but she tugged at his hair and the pain cut through his defenses and burned down his body.

He let her in.

She leaned down to kiss him to soften the intrusion, sharp teeth and flicking tongue while she roamed freely through his mind. Rey found the places there where pain and pleasure were entwined and ran a teasing mental finger over them, like touching the string of an instrument. His cry was muffled by her mouth. She didn't even have to touch him, and he was already hard and writhing. His body was one throbbing ache of need and they were both still fully dressed.

He was nearly undone when she bit his earlobe and murmured, "Let me."

"Yes." He said it without knowing what he was agreeing to. He didn't care, if only it came from her hands and her mouth and her mind.

Or so he thought.

Rey found the deep dark places in him where the true pain lay, and he was too distracted by her mouth, by her scent, by her nearness, to keep her out. A touch there and he felt sharp pain, unmixed with pleasure, felt tears sting his eyes.

He tried to bear the pain, knowing she wanted him to, hoping she would reward him. He failed. It was too much. He pulled away from her, despite the sharp pain in his scalp, falling backwards and breaking the connection between them.

He crawled backwards away from her, scrabbling on the cold tile floor. "No."

Instantly, she crouched beside him, catching his face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He let her pull him to her shoulder, put her arms around him. Rey held him while he struggled to regain control of himself, deep breaths, reburying the things she had uncovered.

This had been a mistake. She was more dangerous to him than ever.

It took everything he had to sit up, move away from her.

"Ben—"

" _Stop calling me that._ " He stumbled to his feet and picked up his helmet. He settled it onto his head and left before she could say anything to change his mind.

He stormed down the corridors, snarling at anyone who even looked like they were going to get in his way. Watching stormtroopers scurry out of his path gave him a small sense of pleasure, but didn't calm his raging thoughts.

Once inside his quarters, he removed the mask and threw it across the room. It was just the start. Rage overflowed from him, overturning furniture, knocking over shelves as he moved around the room battering or throwing everything that came in his reach. When the red haze faded from his vision, he was kneeling in front of his grandfather's helmet, his quarters in a shambles around him.

"Grandfather—" he couldn't formulate words beyond that.

Darth Vader would never have been distracted like this.

Darth Vader would never have let a mere girl get the best of him.

Darth Vader would have—

His thoughts piled up in a collision.

Of all the stories that his uncle told him, the story of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala was the one he'd only heard once. It was meant to be a cautionary tale, one told to him after a crush had gone spectacularly badly and fourteen-year-old Ben had spent a week clinging to his hurt and anger, snapping at anyone who spoke to him.

The story of Padme and Anakin had, at the time, seemed a confirmation that love was worthless and something to be avoided.

That wasn't the meaning of the story at all. If it weren't for Padme, Anakin never would have gained the strength he needed to become Vader. She opened the door to the darker emotions for him, cemented his place with the Dark Side, with the Emperor.

Killing his father had been a step in the right direction, but what needed was his Padme.

On D'Qar, he'd started to think that Rey might be his salvation. Now he knew she was.

All he had to do was drive out any of the Light that remained in either of them.


	2. Master and Servant

He knew the giant hologram of Snoke was deliberately designed to make him feel insignificant, but the knowledge did not prevent it from doing so anyway. 

"Supreme Leader. We have the girl." Kylo Ren stood and waited to be acknowledged.

"Good, good." His master almost smiled. "Bring her."

"We've set a course now." He paused. "She is… stronger than she was."

"All the better. She will bring that strength with her when she joins us."

"She will be difficult to turn, Supreme Leader."

Snoke's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, seeming to loom over his head. "Your feelings for the girl are dangerous. Be wary of them, lest they lead you away from the dark path."

He was grateful for his mask, although he knew it wasn't enough to hide from his master. "I will see to it that she joins us."

"She will join us," Snoke said, "or she will die. Your first task is to find out everything she knows. I want a full report."

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo Ren bowed, recognizing the dismissal. His heart pounded painfully in his chest. He had to find a way inside Rey's mind. He had to.

#

After her previous escape, her mouth was bound any time she was escorted or guarded by stormtroopers. They brought her into the interrogation chamber where Kylo Ren stood waiting. _None of that precaution matters if she can use the Force on_ your _mind_. 

Seeing her that way, her hands bound, her mouth silenced, made him uneasy. It was like being a witness to blasphemy. The nervousness rippled through him, the uncertain excitement of doing something against nature. He watched while the stormtroopers shackled her to the interrogation chair, waited for them to leave, the door sealing behind them. 

Conscious of her serene eyes on him, he removed his helmet and set it aside, and his gloves. She was waiting for him to release her. 

But what if he didn't?

This was just like the first time, seeing into her mind, seeing how lost and afraid she was. His pulse beat in his throat as he slowly walked toward her. 

_Find out everything she knows_.

She wouldn't just give that to him. She wasn't weak like him. He would have to take it from her.

Rey raised a questioning eyebrow and he stopped meeting her eyes.

No, that wasn't the way to do this. He looked back into her eyes, and tried to harden his gaze. "I am going to ask you questions," he said. "And you will answer them."

Both of her eyebrows shot up in disbelief. 

"Do you understand me?" he asked.

- _Ben, do you really think you can intimidate me now?_ Her voice was inside his head and she was _smiling_ at him like he was a wayward child. 

"Stop that." He tried putting the Force behind his words, and felt the command bounce away from her as neatly as if she were using a shield. 

While she watched him, he crowded closer to her, his face within inches of hers. She was beautiful like this, something wild and free caged. _His_. He lifted one hand and let it hover near her head, reaching within.

"Now. Tell me where the new Resistance base is located."

 _-Go to hell._ Faint irritation at him, at his failure to let her go.

After the link they'd shared on D'Qar, he knew where her secrets were hidden—he'd seen the locked doors in her mind before. 

Rey started fighting him when she realized where he was going. It took everything he had to try and press forward. She had made it look so easy, getting him to offer up information he never planned to reveal.

"Where is the base?"

Anger flared in her now; moving through her mind was like standing in a burning building. 

"The _base_." He spoke through gritted teeth.

Long silent moments passed, the two of them doing battle in the fields of Rey's mind. He battered her defenses, throwing himself against them with bruising effort, demanding that she give in, give him the information. Her rage grew like a tidal wave gaining momentum tumbling toward the shore until it crashed into him. 

Without so much as moving a finger, Rey threw him back against the wall and held him there with a squeeze of his throat. Her eyes blazed fire at him from the across the room as the invisible hand around his throat tightened, cutting off his air. 

His vision darkened. His body went slack in her grasp. Then the pressure on his throat loosened and he drew breaths in great, whooping gasps. To his shame, the breath escaped him in a series of lost moans and he was well on his way to being painfully aroused. 

Rey reached into his mind and found the pressure points, squeezing them as surely as she did his throat. Pain rocketed down his body and all he could do was twitch helplessly. It burned, it ached and he wanted more. 

How, how could she do this, bound and gagged to an interrogation chair? Her grip loosened again and he fell to his knees coughing, hands going to his throat. Every part of him ached. Before he could stand, she touched him again. Pressure and friction surrounded his erection, a little too tight, a little too rough, like a small mean hand. He felt his eyes rolling back in his head.

Now she was in _his_ mind, all over his body, stripes of pain like scratches down his back while she controlled the intensity of his response with a little twist of his thoughts. 

She was bound and gagged, but he was the one who was helpless.

His hips bucked against the unseen touch, chasing sensation. Every muscle in his body was taut and shivering. So close now. He should beg her to stop; he was still fully dressed and about to come all over his clothes. 

It was bliss. His mind was empty, focused only on the now, no past, no present. It was peace.

Then everything stopped. The pain, the hand stroking him, all of it, stopped dead fast enough that he dropped like a marionette with cut strings, landing in an ungainly heap on the floor. 

"Rey." His voice rasped in a barely audible whisper. Her touch had been agony and being without it now was a different sort of agony.

_-Release me. Now._

He was on his feet to obey before he could think about it. He loosened the gag first, gently untangling it from her hair and lowering it. Then he hit the release on her restraints. 

Rey came off the chair like a demon, her eyes blazing, hands fisting in his robes and shoving until his back hit the far wall. She was furious, out of control in a way he'd not seen before. Rage transfigured her into something glorious and dark. Here was the darkness she kept hidden. He'd found it.

"Rey…" he breathed.

"Shut up. _Shut up_." She raised her arm to strike him and he needed it. He needed her to punish him just like this, all anger and hatred. He trembled at the thought of it, his aching cock eager for her to do it. 

Rey took a shaky breath, lowering her hand. " _Never_ again. Do you hear me? You do not come into my mind like that again."

He fell to his knees in front of her again, always, his Rey, his goddess. "I'm sorry. I need information, the Supreme Leader will—"

"Who do you belong to?"

"What—"

"It's a simple question, Ben. Who do you belong to?"

His heart thudded in his ears. His body still hurt and he needed to touch her desperately but didn't dare. 

When he didn't answer, she let him go and stepped back. "Take me back to my cell."

"Rey—"

"Until you can decide, there's nothing else for us to talk about."

He reached for her arm but she glared at him with such force that he drew back his hand.

"Take me back to my cell."

"I'll need to put these back on." He picked up the binders and the gag.

Rey eyed him warily, but nodded. Once she was bound again, he was seized with the mad temptation to lock her back in the chair, to leave her here. It was what he should do. It was what Snoke would expect him to do.

Who did he belong to?

 _Himself_. 

He didn't stop to think or to plan. He grabbed Rey, picked her up, and put her back in the interrogation chair, snapping the shackles on her feet and legs closed with the Force. Her voice echoed in his mind but he tuned it out as best he could, resecuring her arms to the chair.

Then without looking at her, he fled.

#

It wasn't just her voice screaming at him in his mind. Triumph and shame warred within him. He was doing the right thing, provoking her anger, bringing out the darkness within her. She'd come so far, losing her control like that. Removing more of that control should take her farther down the dark path.

And yet.

The sense of trespass, of blasphemy, of wrongness. She did not belong in chains. He'd left orders with the guards to take her back to her cell within three hours, but the image of her haunted him the rest of the day.

It haunted him as he lay in his bed later trying to sleep. All day he had ached for the release she had denied him. Not just the physical release, but the quiet in his mind. He shouldn't want that. There was no room for peace in the Dark Side. 

Still, his hands roamed over his own body, pinching and scratching as he tried to recall the pain she'd given him like a gift. It was almost enough, enough to arouse him again, enough for him to emulate her rough touch. He lay in his bed, stroking, squeezing, trying to trigger his own pain at the same time. He tilted his head back and focused his energy on his own throat, tightening the muscles there, squeezing the breath out of himself.

He was chasing quiet as much as pleasure, trying to still his own mind by driving out anything but sensation. He imagined Rey was the one touching him, choking him, hurting him, smiling at him.

It was enough, and not enough at all. When he was done, he had only a faint sense of pleasure, a sore throat, and eyes burning with tears he would not shed.

#

"What do you have to report?" Snoke demanded.

"The scavenger is slipping closer and closer to the Dark Side, Supreme Leader. I can feel the hatred within her growing." It was true, and he pushed away how much that truth hurt.

"What information has she given you?"

"None yet. She is strong."

"Break her. You think I cannot see that you still have compassion for her. Break her and burn the last of the light from you."

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

"If you cannot..."

With Snoke's threat hanging unspoken in the air, Kylo Ren left the audience chamber. His course was clear: he had to break her to save her.


	3. Hold You Up to the Flames

He had to get himself centered before he confronted her again. The thought of breaking her tore something loose inside him, but the alternative was far worse.

The Dark Side came so easily to her. The power with which she held him, touched him, all fueled by her anger—he'd never seen the likes of it before. He knew now how to bring that out in her. The easiest way to provoke her anger was to defy her. She would punish him later, if he was very very lucky.

She would come through the fire the way he had, stronger, purer. They would face his master together, and nothing would stand in their way.

For the first time in a very long time, his mediations stayed on the dark path. He was the monster and he would make her one too.

With his faith in himself renewed, Kylo Ren headed to Rey's cell.

It lasted five minutes.

This time he took her to the interrogation chamber himself. She was quiet, unresisting. He took off the mask, wanting to see her with his own eyes. When he took the binders off her and tried to get her into the chair, only then did she resist. 

Rey looked up at him with a steady, serious look on her face. "You don't want to chain me again." 

She said it so calmly that at first he thought she was trying to control him, but he felt no power coming from her. 

Instead, one corner of her mouth curved up knowingly. "We both know you would rather be the one in that chair."

His breath caught in his throat. "That's ridiculous." He moved to fasten her restraints, but she was too fast for him, grabbing one wrist.

"It's not. You thought about it all night. I felt your dreams." Her eyes burned into him and he couldn't look away. 

"You won't be able to escape, if that's what you're thinking," he said. "The door is keyed to only open for me."

"If I wanted to escape, I'd be gone already." The way she said it, calm, reasonable, confident, left him wondering if she was telling the truth. And why she was staying, if so. She leaned up to him, pulling him closer to her level. "Don't you trust me?"

He tried to resist as she pulled him lower, knowing that if she kissed him, he would be lost.

She kissed him. "Let me," she murmured against his lips, and he was as helpless as he always was. He let her trade places with him, stood still while she undressed him like a child, lifted his feet so she could take off his boots and the last of his clothing. Rey pushed him back onto the interrogation chair, which was cold and hard against his back. He fought down a rush of shame at how eagerly his body responded.

Once she'd locked him in place, she stepped back as if admiring her handiwork. Or possibly, him. 

It was hopeless. He would never have the strength to defeat her, not while she could make him obey so easily. One kiss, and all of his dark resolve had vanished. He'd been a fool to let her get near him again. Snoke was right, he was weak, he was weak, he was—

"Ben." She interrupted his thoughts. "Come back."

His attention snapped back to her. Once it did, she walked closer to him, trailing a single finger over the lines of his chest. "An interrogation chamber," she mused, "I imagine there are lots of ways to cause pain here."

Mouth dry, he managed, "The droid." Hovering in the back of the room, the spherical interrogation droid waited, a nightmare of needles and electrical probes and searing small lasers.

Rey lifted one eyebrow delicately, running a fingernail over his nipple. "You've thought about this." He didn't answer. "Haven't you."

"Yes." He had. Before Rey, the person behind the droid changed in his imagination a hundred times, but now there was only her.

She brought the droid forward and stood studying it, eyeing each attachment and tool before selecting one, a small probe designed to activate one nerve at a time with searing pain. "Ben, look at me."

He obeyed, and felt her slip into his mind.

"I want to know what you feel," she said. "I need to know if it's too much." She gave him a small smile, lifting the probe. "And you may not be able to tell me."

A frisson of fear and desire filled him at the thought of being rendered speechless by her. Fear tried to win out, until she placed a small hand on his arm.

"I know. I feel it too."

She didn't try to go digging into his thoughts, just rode along on the surface with him, as if she were standing inside him and viewing the world through his eyes. When she brought the probe to his skin, tracing it over his collarbone, he jerked against the restraints, gasping. 

"Calm," she murmured, and drew patterns down his chest, pain burning through him like she was touching him with fire. He breathed and he breathed until everything quieted and there was the only the pain and a low hum in his mind like an open comlink. He was dimly aware of his own voice, low whines emitting from his throat.

At some point she switched to different tools, testing his reactions to new stimuli. He was utterly lost. All sense of past and future were lost, there was only the _now_ , the burning present. All the meditation tricks he'd tried in the past worked only sometimes, or only partially. He'd always thought it was because he was flawed, damaged, broken. 

But here he was, exactly where he needed and wanted to be, his mind clearer than it had ever been. He could feel the Force surrounding them, stretch out and feel beyond the bounds of the ship. He could feel the universe breathing. 

Somewhere between it all, she began to alternate between giving him pleasure and giving him pain, slow waves of her hand caressing his skin then sharp shocks flaying his nerves. He came back to her, suddenly aware that she was as naked as he was. When had that happened? 

Her eyes glowed as she stepped up onto the chair with him, her body pressed against his. She abandoned the droid entirely and instead kissed and bit and scratched, leaving marks the way the droid rarely did, and he reveled in it. Her body was an intriguing mix of soft and hard, muscles moving as she climbed the chair until she was face to face with him. 

Feeling her straddle him, taking him into her body, was almost an afterthought to the pleasure of her skin touching his. Immobilized, he could only return her kisses while she worked her hips up and down on his, sweat beading on her cheeks and forehead. 

Rey was still in his mind, and he had the faintest glimpse into hers, the exultation, the bliss. This was why she came back, why she stayed. Not just because she wanted him, but because she knew she could win.

After, she released him from the chair and cradled him in her arms until he returned fully to the present. He felt drained, exhausted, and a little exhilarated. 

It wasn't until too late that he remembered that he was supposed to break her, to turn her to the Dark Side. There had been no darkness in her at all, even when she hurt him the worst. No anger, no hatred, only a twisted sort of tenderness and concern.

He had lost, but it was hard to remember why he wanted to win.

#

That night, for the first time in years, he slept without nightmares. Not even the one where he awoke still feeling his father's hand on his cheek, which had started after the destruction of D'Qar.

In the morning, some of the turmoil had returned, but at least he was rested. He had to see her again, and this time, he had to convince her to give him some sort of information. After that… he didn't know. Perhaps Snoke could succeed where he'd failed, and then she'd be his. For good.

The thought cheered him as he went to her cell.

#

She wasn't there.

He got his answer from a stormtrooper he grabbed and hoisted up by the neck. "General Hux ordered the prisoner taken to interrogation several hours ago, sir."

Tossing the stormtrooper aside, it took all of his self-control not to sprint toward interrogation. Hux had gone too far. Rey was _his_ , no one else's. He focused on his rage, trying to ignore the small whisper of fear in the back of his mind. 

Hux stepped out of the interrogation room as Ren arrived. He was pulling his gloves back on and looked smug. "Ren. You're late. I'm issuing a change of course to the Yaga system. The girl has given us everything we need to know."

His hands began to sweat inside his gloves and he fought to control his breathing. "She's my prisoner. You had no right to interrogate her." 

"You were clearly failing. It was time for someone else to step in." Hux gave him a smile as he walked away. "I'll be sure to let the Supreme Leader know where you were when the girl finally broke."

Once Hux was gone, Ren turned to the stormtroopers standing guard. "Leave us," he snarled. They turned to go, and he activated the cell door, his heart in his throat.

Rey was slumped in the interrogation chair, her head leaning to one side, her eyes closed. One cheek was bruised and there was a cut on her forehead. He knew Hux's interrogation style. There would be other bruises and countless pinpricks. The interrogation droid floated still in the corner, humming faintly with its endless methods of causing pain. 

He pulled off his helmet and swallowed the urge to vomit. "Rey. Rey?" This was wrong, it was all wrong. As he got closer, he lifted one hand near her face, looking briefly into her mind, just a surface scan to see if she was awake.

She was there, barely. He released the shackles on the chair and she slumped toward him. He caught her in his arms, lifting her easily. "Rey, answer me. Please."

"Hey Ben," she croaked, opening one eye to look at him. "You have terrible friends."

He was gentle as he crouched to the floor with her, but there was murder in his heart. "I'm sorry." The words came out before he could think about them. 

"It's all right." Rey opened the other eye and tried to sit up. "I'm… surprisingly okay."

"No, lie still, don't—"

She sat up. "I just—the electrical stuff at the end, it made me a little woozy."

Hux wasn't going to die. He was going to spend the rest of his life wishing he could die. "I should have been here."

"What." She poked at her face gingerly, feeling the edges of the bruise. "So you could have helped?"

Her question stopped him cold. What would he have done? He wanted to break her, but seeing her broken was breaking _him_. "Rey." He didn't know what to say after that. Pain was hers to inflict, not to receive, not ever that. All he could do was look at her helplessly. Everything was backwards, wrong, and his mind was a maelstrom.

Rey looked at him silently for a long moment. Their minds met, touched. Her strength flowed from her, washing over his mind. He could sense the pain that Hux had inflicted, but it seemed distant and unimportant to her. She was tired, she was hurt, but she was calm.

He was wrong. She wasn't broken at all. Then he saw something else.

"There's nothing at all in the Yaga system," he wondered aloud. "You _lied_ to him."

She smiled, and started pushing herself to her feet. He stood and helped her up. "It made him stop at least."

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't smile back. "Rey, that was incredibly dangerous."

Rey stretched her arms overhead, wincing at the movement. "On a scale of dangerous things I've done lately, it's farther down the list than agreeing to be your prisoner in the first place."

"You didn't have a choice."

The look she gave him was pure skepticism, but she didn't argue. "Help me get back to my cell before your red-headed friend comes back?"

 _Hux_. He was going to speak to Snoke. Who knew what they'd decide in his absence?

"Yes, all right." Ben was distracted, though, and hurried her back to her cell.

He raced to the audience chamber and paused outside for a second to compose himself before going in. Hux was there still, talking to the Supreme Leader.

"And there he is," Hux sneered. "No doubt he's returning from tucking the prisoner in with a blanket and a story."

"General Hux," Snoke boomed. "You are dismissed. Continue to the Yaga system and alert the fleet to meet you there. We will destroy the Resistance once and for all."

Once Hux was gone, Snoke examined him silently for several moments. "So, the scavenger has finally bested you."

"No, Supreme Leader. I have won her trust, and now I can—"

" _Silence_. Don't dare think you can ever lie to me, boy. I made you who you are. I know every inch of your mind. Do you think I don't know how the girl has used you? Do you think I don't see your feelings, feelings that are making you weaker by the day?"

"I can be strong—"

"I thought that by killing Han Solo, you could stamp out the last bit of weak-mindedness in you, but I see I was wrong." The Supreme Leader looked more angry than ever.

His mouth was too dry for him to swallow. "Master—"

"Bring the girl here. Into this chamber. Before the fleet arrives at the Yaga system, you will kill her here, before me. And that will be an end to it."

"But her powers—"

"—are useless to me if you cannot turn her to the Dark Side. And clearly, you cannot. Go. I will watch you kill her before the end of the day."

His head was spinning as he left the audience chamber. They would arrive at Yaga in four hours. Four hours left with Rey.


	4. The Arrow Goes Straight Through My Heart

He hid behind his mask as he left Snoke behind.

_It's too late_.

_It's not_.

He couldn't _think_ ; his thought chased each other like leaves caught in a whirlwind. Desperately he wished for the clarity of mind he'd finally achieved yesterday. 

_I can't kill her._

_I can't_ not _kill her_.

One decision was crystal clear. Before he did anything, there was one thing he _had_ to do.

He found General Hux on the bridge, conferring with one of his senior officers. The smugness oozed off him, his hands clasped behind his back as if he were constantly surveying his troops.

Hux ignored him until he was nearly at the man's side.

"Hux."

Hux looked up.

As a boy, Ben Solo had been taught to fight like a Jedi—but he'd also learned how to fight like his father. 

He threw his right fist in a whistling arc that landed hard and solid on Hux's jaw. Hux stumbled backward, nearly going to his knees.

Before Hux could recover, Ben—no, Kylo—threw himself at Hux, taking him the rest of the way down. He remembered each and every bruise Rey had and set about giving Hux a matching set, ignoring the Force for once and relying simply on the force of his own fists.

Hux tried to fight back, but he lacked the advantage of size, anger, and an armored mask. Finally he bellowed, "Stop him!"

The first stormtroopers to try and take him prisoner went flying back across the bridge, scattering like toys. But there were too many. When the stormtroopers arrived with riot control batons, he knew it was over, but it still took four of them to bring him down.

His last thought before the final stunning blow hit him in the back was _I tried, Rey._

#

When he woke up, his surroundings made no sense. It was dark, the surface beneath him was hard and cold and he was—

He was in a cell.

He sat up and his head started to spin. His mask was gone, along with his weapons and all the armored components of his robes. At least lightsaber was safe, tucked away in his quarters. He'd left it there, knowing if he took it to confront Hux, the confrontation would be over too fast.

_-Oh Ben. What did you do?_

Rey. 

_-Are you all right, Rey?_

_-I'm fine_. A faint sense of irritation carried to him from her mind. _-I'm not the one who took on a squad of stormtroopers._

_-I'm sorry_.

The full consequences of his actions hit him. There was nothing he could do to help her now. He had left her at the mercy of Hux and Snoke. Rey might die anyway, all because he lost his temper.

Kylo was left alone with his growing rage, which grew more useless by the moment. His hands itched for his lightsaber, for something he could destroy. There was nothing in this black, featureless room, nothing except him. 

With a growl, he slammed his fist into the wall. It didn't move, but he did it again anyway. And again. And again. The pain was satisfying. It was real. It was proof that he still existed in the world, that he could still cause something to happen. 

_-Ben? Ben, stop. That's not going to help._

He stopped, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the wall—which still showed no signs of damage. His hands, however… he winced as he tested the knuckles.

The cell door slid open and he lifted his head. General Hux swept in, accompanied by two stormtroopers. It was profoundly satisfying to note that Hux had a black eye, a swollen cheek, and a split lip. "That was incredibly foolish of you, attacking _me_ ," Hux said. "What did you hope to accomplish?"

He looked up at Hux, pointedly taking in the injuries. "That."

"Ren." Hux shook his head. "Always letting your anger get the best of you. And over a worthless scavenger girl."

"She is _mine_." He stood up, and the stormtroopers went on alert. "You do not touch her again." He was exhausted, he was heartsick, but he put all of the command he could into his words.

Hux hesitated, blinking his reptilian eyes. "It doesn't matter. The girl dies, no matter by whose hand." He smiled a thin bitter smile. "I think I will enjoy watching you watch her die."

He charged at Hux, knowing it was futile but wanting to at least see him flinch back, see how fast the stormtroopers stepped in to stop him. Fast enough, as it turned out. He pulled away from them and stepped back, his hands up. 

"You enjoy what you can, while you can, Hux." He had decided Hux's fate the moment he knew Hux had laid a hand on Rey. 

Hux was unimpressed, raised an eyebrow. "Brave words from a prisoner. I've learned by now how worthless those are."

He left as suddenly as he'd arrived.

_-Rey, I'm so sorry._

_-Don't be. Get some rest. We have about two hours until the ship comes out of lightspeed. We have to be ready to act_.

_-Act? What are you talking about?_

_-Just be ready._

He tried to find out what to be ready for, but she shut down her mind and wouldn't let him see any further. Instead he sat on the low shelf that doubled as a cot, and studied his hands. The knuckles were bleeding but not broken. It hurt to move his hands, so he sat there clenching and unclenching his fists, wishing the pain would give him peace again.

Lying down on the tiny ledge was out of the question, so he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. 

It seemed impossible that he could have dozed off, but the next thing he knew, Rey was in his mind, nudging him for attention.

_-We just came out of hyperspace_.

They were close to Yaga Minor then. Soon Snoke and Hux would know that Rey had lied to them. Time was running out.

_-I'm out of my cell._

His head shot up, reaching out to try and find her. _-What? Rey, run. Hide. Get off this ship._

_-We will. Just let me find you._

_-No! Just go! Snoke is going to have you killed._

He felt her in his mind then, and knew she was close by. She knew they planned to kill her, and was unafraid. 

A commotion sounded outside his cell, then the sound of Rey speaking reasonably. His cell door slid open and there she stood, holding two blasters. The stormtroopers stood behind her, looking around disinterestedly.

"Come on." 

He jumped to his feet, waiting to hear an alarm sound at any moment. "What are you doing?"

She gave him a look. "Rescuing us. Are you coming with me or not?"

"I—" He couldn't answer.

If he said no, he was probably a dead man.  He'd become too unstable, too untrustworthy for Snoke to keep using.

If he said yes, what then? Everything he'd done for the past fifteen years would all be for nothing. Killing his own father, would be for _nothing_.

And he was probably still a dead man. The Resistance kept him alive once, he doubted they'd do it a second time. He wouldn't, if he were in his mother's shoes.

Even if she did, there was the cage waiting for him. The dungeon that awaited all monsters like him. 

Those were his options: dead, or in a cell.

"Ben, come _on_."

"Stop calling me that."

"Stop deserving it then." She reached out and tugged his arm. "We're running out of time. I've got to find my lightsaber if I can, and then we've got to get to the docking bay."

And that, as much as anything, was why he followed her out of his cell. Because as much as he hated the sound of his old name in her mouth, she believed he might still be worthy of it.

"This way," he said, taking the lead. "I know where your lightsaber is." _And mine_. 

There was no telling how much time they had before someone came to their senses and realized they were gone. He grabbed Rey by the wrist and pulled her with him. "Sorry," he muttered. "Play along." He put on his angriest face, pulling her roughly along behind him. Word must not have gone out about his fall from Snoke's grace because no one stopped him. The only second glances they got were either vaguely sympathetic looks toward Rey or curious glances toward the rarely-unmasked Kylo Ren.

Rey put up enough of a fight to look real but not enough to slow them down. "Where are we going?"

"We're almost there." He pulled her through the door to his quarters. There was a locked case on his bedside table, one of the only things he hadn't toppled during his last tantrum. He opened the case, revealing both lightsabers, lying side by side. He picked hers up first. Strange that he thought of it as hers now, when once he'd been willing to kill to claim it as his.

Rey must have sensed some of his thoughts; she tensed, watching him. He extended it to her and she touched his hand as she took it. "Thank you."

"I didn't want anyone else to touch it." It embarrassed him to admit that now. He turned away and picked up his own weapon, attaching it to his belt. 

The alarm sounded. 

"Come on." Rey grabbed him and pulled him toward the door. He followed without a backwards glance.

Armed with blasters and their lightsabers, they were still dangerously outnumbered. They ducked through corridors, hiding in alcoves while chaos broke out throughout the ship. 

"We have to hurry," he said. "The first thing they'll do is lock down the docking bays. This way."

The docking bay was crawling with stormtroopers. 

"How are we going to do this?" Rey asked, looking over his shoulder as he crouched behind some shipping crates. 

He took a deep breath, trying to center his concentration. "Cover me."

"Wait—"

But he was already off. The last time he'd charged into a fight without any sort of armor had been… well, he'd been a boy. He heard Rey firing on the troopers while he blocked blaster bolts with one hand and and cut a swath with his lightsaber with the other. 

Together, they forced a path to the TIE fighters. Faster than the freighters, with better defense capability, they were the best bet for escape. Reinforcements were starting to arrive as they crawled into the first ship they reached.

Rey took the pilot seat and he took the gunner seat. It had been a while since he'd done this. Meanwhile, Rey was throwing switches like she did this every day. "Watch that turret," she said. "They're charging it up right now."

The docking bay defense, yes. It took him a second to remember the aiming mechanism, then he fired. The turret exploded, sending stormtroopers scattering back. "Get us out of here!"

"Working on it." Rey spoke through gritted teeth as she cycled the TIE fighter through take-off procedures.

Finally, the ship started to rise. Rey swore and threw another switch, and outside something clattered away from the ship. "Almost forgot that."

The TIE fighter broke free of the docking bay and burst out into open space. Only then did he realize he'd left two of his most prized possessions behind: his mask, and his grandfather's mask. A terrified sense of freedom crept around his heart.

"It'll take me a bit to recode the transceiver for Resistance frequencies, but I should be able to hail someone to come get us," Rey was saying. 

"Rey. Let's go somewhere else. Pick a star system, we'll go anywhere you want, see the galaxy." 

"No, I have to go back. _You_ have to go back."

"We don't. Come on. Let's go somewhere no one knows either of us and we'll—"

Neither of them was paying close enough attention to the star destroyer's guns. A shot caught them in the rear quarter, making the little ship spin.

"Damn it," she said and started evasive maneuvers. "Shoot at something back there, would you?"

"Get us to lightspeed," he snapped back.

"Calculating now." Meanwhile the panel was flashing red and an alarm sounded in the cockpit. "Not good, not good, not good," she muttered, her hands flying over the console.

"We have to get out of here before they launch the fighters after us."

"We're venting fuel from that last hit," she said. "We don't have power to make it very far."

"Just get us out of _here_!"

"Hold on…" The TIE fighter lurched, then the stars around them blurred into hyperspace.

They were away.


End file.
